Through this season, I’ve learned a valuable lesson: sometimes God says “no” because it’s not the right path. Other times, He says “slow”—to wait for His perfect timing. And sometimes He says “go”—that it’s the right time to move forward. I’ve been struggling with knowing which of those God is saying in the moment. I often find myself obsessing over things and ruminating to the point of stress, especially when I deeply desire something and it feels like it might work out.
Over the past couple of months, my focus shifted heavily to getting a second car. I became fixated on it to the point that it started affecting my spiritual life and even my time with family. I realized I lacked patience and, honestly, faith—faith that God would provide what I need at the right time.
Our plan was to use our income tax refund in March to pay off our current car and then purchase another. But in January—way ahead of schedule—I began searching for cars. My husband’s nephew worked at a dealership, and I wanted to support him, especially since they had cheaper cars. I found a used Kia Sorento I really liked, but it turned out to be more than we could afford—about $21,000, which would’ve meant monthly payments of $350–$450. I wanted a larger vehicle not just for our growing family but also to help transport my husband’s mother and her food during holidays, since our current car is very compact.
Eventually, his nephew found us a Mitsubishi Outlander within our budget ($250–$350 a month with a down payment). I liked that it had seven seats, although I later learned those back seats were more for emergencies and didn’t offer much space. We made plans to see the car on a Friday, but I felt anxious—I wasn’t sure if we really needed to move forward with the purchase yet. I prayed and asked God for clarity. Ironically, we all got really sick that Friday and couldn’t go. That felt like an answered prayer.
Here the car we wanted.
We later visited both the Toyota and Kia dealerships just to browse. Toyota gave us a great experience, and I realized I didn’t need a minivan or a seven-seater after all. The Kia dealership was not only a bad experience but also a exhausting experience because we waited around for hours and didn't even see the Mitsubishi Outlander we were interest in purchasing because it wasn't on the lot but on the old lot they had just moved from.
We finally returned to the Kia dealership in March after receiving our tax refund and paying off our car, we discovered my husband’s nephew no longer worked there. Still, we wanted to honor our word, so we asked about the Mitsubishi Outlander again especially since the price had gone down $1,000 and now it was only $16,500. However, they mistakenly brought us the Outlander Sport, which was smaller. When they finally went to get the 2019 Mitsubishi Outlander instead, they brought back a photo showing it had been vandalized—the radio was stolen, so it wasn’t available.
We had the choice to purchase the 2023 Outlander Sport which was smaller and more expensive, and also the monthly payment would have been at least $385 — not what we wanted. Our budget was $500 for a new car but $50 need to go to gas and $100 need to go to the car insurance because we were already paying $125 for the other car's insurance and saving $150 for gas each month. We stayed for hours as they tried to push other options, and it was exhausting, especially with our toddler there although my mom was also there, helping us with him.
This what they offered us for the car which was $1000 more than than the car we wanted.
Eventually, they offered us a 2018 Nissan Rogue that would cost $500 less than the 2023 Mitsubishi Outlander Sport, but it wasn’t on the lot but actually in another state. They said they’d follow up, but I already knew in my heart I wasn’t going back.
As we were leaving the car dealership, I talked with my husband about the idea of waiting and saving up for a larger down payment on a car. We decided it would be better to hold off for now. Plus, I didn’t know how to fully drive yet—I still needed more practice and didn’t have my license, so I couldn’t drive the car anyway. In the meantime, my mom offered to help by driving me around, so that’s the plan we agreed on—for now, we’ll wait.
Then the next day, something unexpected happened. While practicing driving with my husband, I accidentally hit a car at an intersection. The other car didn’t yield, and I was too new a driver to stop in time. It turned into a hit-and-run, as they drove off—though they were in the wrong. That moment caused a lot of anxiety, especially because now, instead of getting a second car, we were down to no car at all.
Here is a diary entry of all the conflict we went through that week:
